make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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