Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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