Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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