it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he fucked my hip out of place.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
