Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
