CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
