Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
