There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
