I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize