yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
