tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
