I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize