so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My bed smells like the plague
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
