she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
