So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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