apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
