Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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