it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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