It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
