i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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