After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
