he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
