I just threw up on my dentist
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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