Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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