I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
