Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
