I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
