We won't sleep together?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
