My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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