I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
