these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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