You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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