i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
