I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
