Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
