I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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