there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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