Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
