We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
