I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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