omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
