I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm jealous of your bromance
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
