WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize