On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
where are my eyebrows?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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