she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
