If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
