The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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