Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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