I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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