He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
