Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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