When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
