when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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