She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
