their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
