gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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