your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
