Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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