omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
