Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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