Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
