it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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