bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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