which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
