I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
