I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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