On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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