miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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