if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
