I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
