and she was petting her beer can
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
