very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
