I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the day after is always just damage control
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
