i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
