shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
