Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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