Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I intend to get homeless drunk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
